this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
