butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
