This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
