if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize