It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize