I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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