I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
