uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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