My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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