This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
