I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize