Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
