rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
