Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
