before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
