Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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