the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
