New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
