dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
