Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
