I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
