i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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