I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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