I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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