Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
