He is such a slut. More and more my type.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
