I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
