Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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