can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
