'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
