shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
