Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
