I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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