Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
