I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Of course I have a pirate flag
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
