do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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