you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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