Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
