so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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