Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
