if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
