what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
