I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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