We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
