In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
