the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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