Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
