My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize