Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
