i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
