I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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