oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
