I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
