I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
