i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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