woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
