I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm at about main and main street
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
