i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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