I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
