She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
