meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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