your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize